Wednesday, March 2, 2016

When I was pregnant with Harper I would often get younger people telling me I was crazy and older people would tell me how they had their kids close together and loved it. People don't have kids this close together anymore. Everyone plans it out to a T because a lot of the time, we can.
The funny thing is, when your first kids are this close together you really don't know any differently so it seems really normal to me and the more these kids interact together, the happier I am that they are so close.
I was never too sure what to say when people would ask if Harper was on purpose. Beckham was on purpose. We got pregnant first try and miscarried that one. You can't help but wonder why the baby miscarried. I couldn't help but wonder if it was because of my birth control so I vowed never to go on birth control again and just be grateful for what God gives us at the timing he gives them to us.
The next chance I could get pregnant- I did. I was a nervous wreck after that miscarriage. See, my mom has had quite a few miscarriages, one being around 20 weeks (which is not a miscarriage anymore but that's beside the point). I thought I was destined for the same path and became a little paranoid that I would lose a lot of my babies.
When Beckham was 6 months, he seemed lonely. I told Mike we needed to make Beckham a friend- I wasn't cutting it. I didn't know if I would miscarry the next one (automatically putting the next baby behind 6 months) or if it would take awhile to get pregnant so we thought we would just "see what happens". Bam! Here comes Harper first chance it could happen, it did.
It wasn't until I was about 30 weeks pregnant that I really started believing I was going to have another baby. I tell you- miscarriages do a strange thing to your brain. But she is here. Alive and well and I wouldn't have it any other way. 

This past October or November I told Mike I felt like there was another baby waiting for us. At that point though I hadn't even had a period so it was totally out of the question to try timing anything. Mike eventually came around to the idea and we decided the next period I got, we would try. We then decided we would move in with my parents and decided we didn't want a baby while we were here so we would wait. A month later, I took a pregnancy test in the middle of the night (I'm famous for the middle of the night testing) and lo and behold, i was pregnant. I went to the doctor right away and I was 8.5 weeks pregnant. I was shocked. I had no clue I was even pregnant let alone that pregnant.
So were my kids on purpose? We didn't prevent them. I felt like these little spirits needs to come. I didn't know how quickly, but I knew they needed to come.
Call me a Duggar, but I don't prevent any children from coming to our family. If God thinks we can handle 5 under 5, then that's what we will do and we will love it and embrace it. I might change my mind later, but I'm not getting any younger so I got to get it done while I can.


  1. I seriously applaud you guys! I totally thought that Harper was "on purpose" & was just like Dang they don't waste any time! But I can totally see the upsides to having them all close together, best friends for life! Kevin & I toyed with the idea.. & then I had a mini panic attack haha so we're like umm maybe next year ;) Can't wait to come play with you guys in 2 months!

  2. Looking at blogs for the first time in a looong time! Thanks for sharing your story and testimony; I've always learned so much from your light. Your children and husband are very blessed to know and associate with you, as am I!

  3. Love your candor and love your cute little family.